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Divorce is too easy
Divorce is widely accepted now, but it has been a contentious issue for a long time. In New Testament times, Jesus came out firmly against divorce (Matt 19:7-9), overturning traditional Mosaic law. Henry VIII broke ties with the Roman Catholic church to get his marriage to Catherine of Aragon annulled. Even in the twentieth century, divorce was frowned upon socially.
Divorce is a difficult social issue because it's both ugly and necessary. If you outlaw divorce, some people suffer terribly. If you decriminalize it, you undermine the institution and meaning of marriage. In some sense, the mere existence of divorce is harmful.
Fact: knowledge changes our behavior. This causes psychology researchers all kinds of difficulty. When conducting experiments, they have to conceal the purpose of the experiment from the participants. If the participants are aware of what is being tested, they will act differently than if they don't know. Experimenters must carefully guard their own behavior as well; this is why so many clinical health trials are double-blind.
This principle applies directly to marriage and divorce. If two people know that divorce exists, they will usually treat their marriage differently than if they think they are bound for life. It does not matter whether they like divorce, or whether they think they will never use the option. The knowledge that the option exists is enough to change their behavior. Instead of working hard to resolve conflicts in the relationship, they may subconsciously let irritations slide. They might let their eyes and thoughts slip to marriage or sex with other people, even if they consciously intend to remain faithful.
Of course, some people are less subtle. They opt for "starter marriages", knowing full well that they marriage could end in divorce. They marry for the wrong reasons -- to fix themselves, or to fix their lover, or to rescue a bad relationship (!?). The religious conservatives tend to gnash their teeth and tear their hair because these people undermine the idea of being married for life. The subconscious effects interest me more because they seem unavoidable. As soon as you legalize divorce, you have to deal with its impact on marriage.
Why does this matter? It has to do with defining the meaning of marriage. I want to reject the religious definition of an exclusive union between one man and one woman for life. To me, the important idea is that a group of people commit to each other for life. Allowing divorce destroys that idea. In practical terms, the heterosexual divorce rate (is it really as high as 50%?) means that marriage really doesn't represent a lifelong union for most people. So what does it represent? If we don't have an answer then the conservative fears might be right: homosexual marriages might actually hurt straight ones.
Disclaimer: I do think divorce is necessary. My parents had (and probably still have) an unhappy marriage. They decided to tough it out. I know this made me unhappy. It may even have turned me gay. I can't say for certain that our lives would have been happier if my parents had divorced, but it is easy to believe.
That is what makes divorce such a difficult social issue. It is not pleasant. It is overused. It is destructive. But banning it is a lousy idea. What can you do?
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