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Goodie. Another coming-out blog
Here's the big secret: I am a homosexual, probably. I think. It should come as no surprise to anybody. Being gay is the great non- revolutionary non-revelation of the new millenium. In earlier decades coming out of one's closet was a brave political statement that had all sorts of unsavory consequences. Now? In Blue State America, it's a non-issue. "Oh. You're gay? Ho-hum." That's good for me, I suppose. I wouldn't be coming out of any closets if it wasn't safe and easy. Thanks to the struggles and sufferings of assorted dykes and queens in the past, I get an easy ride. Yay Stonewall.
Mind you, I haven't actually come out of my closet for any meaningful value of "come out". An ex-girlfriend knows. You know. That's about it. At some point I might let others know, but that hasn't happened yet. I might let myself in on the news as well, once I get back from my trip to the Nile.
I guess it's no big secret. It is not as if other people haven't figured it out. The flamboyance? The slavish addiction to style? The self-loathing and depression? The eternal and undying love for ABBA? Hello world! I have a telegram o' camp for you!
My activities of late don't scream straightness either. I went to the low-key Pride festivities in my city this year, because it was safe and Ashley MacIsaac was giving a concert. People saw me there, but, you know, you don't have to be queer to attend Pride. I also have attended screenings at the local Gay Film Festival over the past two years. People saw me there too, but, you know, you don't have to be queer to view movies about gay people. Whenever I can I sneak copies of free gay newspapers home to read. People probably see me doing this, but, you know, you don't have to be gay to read gay newspapers. And then there is the stash of naked people pictures on my hard drive.
And yet, it is a big secret. Every so often somebody asks me the point-blank question: Am I gay? Up to this point my answer has been "no". Lately I have been trying to justify this hypocrisy by asserting that there is a difference between being a homosexual and being gay, but this explanation is proving to be less and less convincing, and of course I don't let others in on this reasoning. That's okay, though. If anything, maintaining this self-hating untruth just makes me gayer!
So, you know, I'm gay. Maybe. But please don't tell anybody. I don't think I can handle the consequences.
Livejournal URL: http://lonelyache.livejournal.com/1591.html
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